Monday, October 15, 2012

Spontaneous.

 I don't have a "skill".
Well, that's not totally true. 
Okay, yes. I have a skill, but it doesn't count. 

^ Those thoughts right there have run through my head multiple times. 

Oh wait, now there's a talent show. I don't play an instrument, I can't sing or dance, and occasionally, I forget how to write my own name. Yes, I have problems.

 I have two "skill" sets. One is horses, the other is Karate. Not exactly anything you can exhibit at the camp talent show. My options:
1) Bring a horse on stage.
2) Kill/disable someone on stage with my bare hands. 
3) Wait out yet another talent show. Friends play Beethoven's sonata, I applaud and get over it. 

Yeah, #3 is the typical talent show experience for me. I always had a hard time with that. It wasn't until recently that I decided not to.
 I was walking from the barn to karate, and it was getting dark in Littlestown. The freaks were coming out. I wasn't scared though. The fact that I was a teenage girl, alone in the heart of a dark town didn't scare me. I've engaged in combat with full-grown men, and that gives me a certain reassurance when it comes down to it. I'm not saying that "nothing" scares me. I'm not sure how to describe this so that I'm not taken the wrong way. I'm not just a kid, I'm a kid adorned with street smarts and fighting skills. See? That sounds bad. It just means I'm not as flighty or "creeped out" by some things as a lot of people. I know how to handle myself if someone tried to attack me. I smile when I think of others my age. Good for them, I mean, playing Mozart is pretty legit. When I think about *not* being scared, I'm definetly not jealous of them.

 That still leaves horses. Those completely useless skills I've acquired from the barn.

 When you work with a horse, you learn about yourself. Each horse has taught me something new about equine psychology, and equine psychology ties in so tightly with human psychology that it's like I'm seeing some unfiltered emotions from a human. I know my Christian friends will leap on me if I don't use this disclaimer: I didn't say horses have souls, I didn't say they're going to heaven. I just didn't say. The end.
  Here's what I'm trying to convey. Horses have emotions. Let's create a scenerio.

Human #1 offends Human #2.
Human #2 gets mad, but doesn't complain because that's "socially acceptable".
Then Human #1 goes on to offend other people because #1 never realized that they offended someone.

Human offends horse
Horse throws human off.
Human doesn't offend horse again in that way.

See? One is totally introspective to the other. You offend a person, you might never know. You offend a horse, you'll find out.

 When I say that every horse has taught me something about myself, I mean it.
A certain mare named Jewels will ever be set apart in my mind, because she was the first horse I ever galloped. I used to say "I love horses"  before I met her. She taught me the *downs* of horses. The hard parts like hitting the ground or getting nowhere in training because I'm just plain ignorant.
 She didn't just teach me to gallop in a physical sense, she taught my mind to gallop. While I worked with her, she gave me something to fight for every day. I quit my obsessive lying, I quit being ridiculously dramatic over stupid things, and she taught me so much more. Yes, there were other things I can't even begin to describe.

 Then there's other horses like Hannah and Taxi. Hannah taught me patience. Taxi taught me that it's not nice to be selfish (she also taught me a *LOT* about how to fall off a horse). Things I should have already known.

 On a serious note, I think God was exasperated with me. I wasn't grasping key concepts that I should have learned while I was a child. He put horses into my life, and it changed. I finally understood.

So that was quite a lot to say, but I'll sum it all up.
 I have two skill sets. I might not be able to play a musical instrument, I'm not even any good at school, but I'm not scared, though I am humbled by what those horses have taught me. It's a great combination if you ask me. I wouldn't have it any other way.

At school, around people (especially large crowds), or even with friends and people I trust, I'm someone different. I wish I was always like I am at the barn.




 Yes. There are both pictures of me doing what I love.